Your Spirit Animal According to Your Favorite Mushroom Strain
Tagline: Because deep down, we’re all just cosmic critters.
Different mushroom strains have different vibes, and if you’ve tripped more than once, you know the personalities are real. Think of each strain as your psychedelic spirit animal — here to guide you, vibe with you, and maybe share snacks.
🦉 Golden Teacher: The wise, chill owl. Patient, comforting, and somehow makes you feel both humbled and uplifted at the same time. Will occasionally drop life-changing advice in the middle of talking about sandwiches.
🐬 Blue Meanies: The dolphin with sunglasses. Fun, fast, and a little chaotic — one minute you’re laughing so hard you can’t breathe, the next you’re having an existential breakthrough in the frozen food aisle.
🦎 Penis Envy: The ancient lizard shaman. Slow, deliberate, and deeply intense. Looks right into your soul and whispers truths about the pyramids, ancient civilizations, and why you keep losing socks in the dryer.
🦋 Albino A+: The glittery butterfly. Graceful, sparkly, and guaranteed to make any conversation sound like a whimsical TED Talk. Your laugh will have glitter in it for a week afterward.
🐺 Amazonian: The jungle wolf. Fierce, protective, and deeply connected to nature. Gives you the sense you could hear the Earth’s heartbeat if you listened hard enough.
🐢 B+: The trusty turtle. Steady, grounding, and reliable. Carries you through the trip at the perfect pace, giving you plenty of time to stop and admire how incredible clouds look right now.
✨ The takeaway:
Your mushroom strain isn’t just a vibe — it’s a mystical sidekick. Choose wisely, and it might just help you unlock parts of yourself you didn’t even know existed. Or, at the very least, make you feel like hugging a tree for three hours straight.
